Love disorder
by Sugerbliss
Summary: A forbidden act concludes the death of a loved one, Ichigo Kurosaki loses his home, his friends and family. Living with his aggressive alcoholic lover he still seems to carry the burden alone. Falling into depression a particular snow white Ex, wants his revenge driving the ginger mad. A one shot and maybe a sequel depending on the reviews. maleXmale and disturbing descriptions...


The pain was just too much to bare as he thrust into me, making me scream and moan as it sent sick waves of pleasure; never have I ever felt this way before, I had been a virgin until I had met him and now I am mewling like a little desperate bitch as he stroke me each time with more pleasure.

I was on all fours as he was slamming his went and slimy dick up my ass, it hurt like hell and I loved it. Digging into the sheet's, my head fell back as I whimpered out loud; I felt dirty, but surprisingly it didn't bother me as my tight was slightly tightened around his shaft making him moan as well.

"The fuck, your so damn tight!" he complained making me slightly yelp as he tried to stuff his dick even deeper into my body.

"It's so damn big..." I whined as he tried to stuff me.

Gasping I slightly squealed as he hit something really sensitive inside me; panting rather desperately for air, I stuck out my but even higher so that he could have better access. I wanted him to hit me over and over again and make me go mad with the pleasurable sensation.

I could see his grin widen from the mirror that was in front of us, he seemed to deeply enjoy the sound that I had made; spreading my cheeks even further apart, his thick and long shaft sledded in and out of me causing me to lose my mind in the deep pleasure.

"Fuck, fuck, of Grimmjow; hit me there, right there, ohhh! Grimmjow, right there!" I cried pushing hard onto his shaft causing more of the white fluid to run down my jiggling ass.

It was so big, so thick and so long that I wanted more and more and more; closing my eyes, my arms finally gave in unable to withstand my eight any longer. Grimmjow supported my ass in the air and so I was now position with my face down, ass up as he fucked me faster and faster.

"Uh- uh, uh! Right there, oh yes... uh, oh, oh!" I gasped hiccuping a bit as I tried to talk and breath at the same time.

Squeaking again, he suddenly stroke my prostate again and again each time making me squeal and moan desperately.

"Yeah your a little bitch aren't ya, ya like it when I fuck you hard!" He said making me want him even more as I slapped my ass onto his dick.

"Oh yes, yes, YES!" I cried as he hit me harder and harder and harder at that same spot. "Ha-ha, oh yes, oh yes!" I cried wanting more and more of his thick cock to thrust inside of me. "Fuck me, oh fuck me!" I cried as his sacks soon began to smack my own.

"Fuck me, oh fuck me harder. Fuck, Fuck, oh Fuck!" I cried barely recognizing my own voice as he suddenly gripped my own retraining member causing me to cry even louder.

Stroking me, I felt double the pleasure as my own fluid began to drip down my lovers hand and his pace increase humping harder and faster in my ass. My walls tightened even more as I felt drowned in pleasure.

"Oh Grimmjow... uh fuck... Fuck I'm going to cum!" I complained squirming a bit under the unfamiliar sensation.

"Just cum already ya fucked up slut!" he told me driving me even crazier.

"I can't... Oh god I can't!" I cried whimpering a bit.

"Amateur!" he retorted getting even faster as I began to scream.

I'm now shuddering under him, I can't control myself any longer; I'm squirming and panicking and yet I'm also pushing onto him and into his palm like a seesaw of pleasure.

"My fathers going to kill me!" I complain before gasping again and wailing in deep pleasure.

"Not before I do!" he replied grabbing squeezing the heat out of my cock.

I let out a strangled squeak before moaning again.

"Fuck...FUCK... FUCK... FUCK!" I cried as I cumed all over his hand.

The world around me spun wildly as his thrust were beginning to tear me apart, letting out a strangled cry I felt a sudden heat over fill me; it was an awkward and sickening feeling that made my stomach twist, but I wasn't complaining.

Grimmjow groaned in satisfaction as we both fell onto the bed.

"... Not bad for a virgin..." he said after he had finally caught his breath.

I laughed exhausted and then moaned a bit as he tried to take his dick out of my ass.

"Not too fast, you asshole!" I shouted angrily causing Grimmjow to laugh at my quick change of attitude.

Slipping out slowly yet painfully out of my ass, white liquid almost instantly squirted down as it all couldn't be contained. I moaned as my body slowly fell numb, I was trembling uncontrollably now and all Grimmjow did was laugh at me before lying right next to me.

"I hope you know that there's strings attached..." I tell him.

He smiles at me.

"I know..." he says.

"I love you no matter what..." I say cuddling close to him.

He runs his hands through my orange locks and hugs me close.

"And I will love you, forever and ever..." He said to me and I believed him.

* * *

Rain pours and thunder crashes; I stand there quietly as Grimmjow is down on his knees over a gravestone, tears run down my face as the rain fell. People are giving me dirty looks and they have a right to.

Rukia bumps me as she puts flowers down.

"You know this is your fault..." she whispers her voice as cold as ice. "This is your fault!" she than screamed as Renji tried to hold her back from me. "Your a filthy slut, it's your fault she's dead!" she continued to scream.

Renji gives me a cold glare; I swear I didn't know, I look away from him and back down on the wet grass. My father is also there, his face has an undefined scowl making me feel very bitter. He turned with my two sisters and began to walk back home... I really didn't know.

Uryu walked right next to me before putting down some flowers down on the grave.

"I hope your happy now..." he tells me. "Orihime really did trust you... What you did was repugnant and a disgrace to your family, I hope you live a life of shame!" he snapped sounding calm yet dangerous.

Grimmjow still says nothing as he's on his knees; I really didn't know that he and Orihime were together and were even to be engaged. She did trust me, I was her best friend so why didn't she tell me?

More tears fall from my face as I recalled yelling at her, I was so upset that I gave up my virginity to her man that I said things I didn't mean. I didn't know she was going to take her life, I didn't know Grimmjow meant that much to her.

Looking back at Uryu's stone cold blue eyes, I slowly back up and leave the funeral.

Walking back to my house, I see all my stuff on the lawn; my fathers car is gone and I know he's not going to be back for a while. It has been only a few months since I've been going back and forth with Grimmjow; Orihime confronted me before, but I denied it cause I didn't want her to know I was gay.

After that when I was out with my family, Orihime told me off in front of my family which was why I was so upset with her; I can never enter that restaurant again, I can never talk to those people again and my family can never look at me the same way again.

That was about two days ago and now that she killed herself, my father had finally had enough...

* * *

It's been two months since I lived on the street, nobody would hire me; friends dropped my relationship after Orihime's death, we don't talk so they really don't know that I was kicked out. I haven't talked to or seen Grimmjow ever since; I'm so mad with him, it's not fair.

I was blamed for everything when I really didn't know; lying down on the benches, my stomach growls for the forth time today. I'm covered in dirt, my hair looks brown instead of orange and I haven't eaten in days. I can't get a job, no one will higher me; I was kicked out of school and so I'm just wasting my life away.

I'm so cold that I just lay there, people ignore me; I think they got used to seeing me here. The wind blows and rain slowly begins to fall, it's freezing cold as it falls onto my frame. I'm too tired to get up; I'm getting soaked now, but I refused to get up.

Tears slowly fall from my face and the rain camouflaged it; the sounds of foot steps came near me and for a brief moment the rain stopped. My heavy eyes slowly opened to see familiar blue eyes.

"... You know how long I looked for you?" he asked me.

I just stare at him as if he was a ghost, it was Grimmjow.

"What the fuck do you want?" I ask him sounding dangerous even though my voice was hoarse.

I cough a bit before glaring at him through clench teeth; he stared at me for a brief moment before speaking.

"I want you to come live with me." he said bluntly.

My eyes narrowed sharply.

"Fuck you!" I said.

"Maybe after." he responded making me growl.

He lied to me, caused me to hurt my friend and than thinks I would go and live with him? Fuck that shit, he didn't even apologize.

"Piss off!" I yelled angrily.

I tied to get up and leave when his warm hand gripped my shivering frame; he felt so warm and comforting that I literally shuddered beneath his touch.

"I really do love you... and I promise that I'll take care of you. Please, come live with me..." he said sounding much more gentle than usual.

I turned my head and he just sighed; I was being stubborn and I had the right to. Wiping my face angrily, I felt his warm trench coat embrace my frame as he put it around me. I blinked and slightly blushed as I realized that it smelt just like him.

"At least try to think about it... You did say that you loved me no matter what..." and with that, he handed me a card with his address on it.

I didn't take it so he just put it in my pocket before he left.

* * *

My skin is blue and I am soaking wet, I can't stop coughing as I walked down a familiar road. The sounds of laughing catch my attention and I stop at a coffee shop; my friends are all there laughing and having fun, tears drop down my face one more as I can see they had really moved on without me.

Keeping myself hidden, I can see how much they've chained over the months; Renji seemed to be much closer to Rukia now and Tatsuki seems to be hit'n on Uryu. The ends of my lips curl into a wary smile as I slowly walk on by as if I was mere dust in the wind, I'm glad cause their happy now.

Grimmjows jacket is just as wet as my clothes, I can't stop shaking. I take out Grimmjow's card and debate with myself whether I should or shouldn't take his offer. He still hasn't apologized, but than again this could be his way of apologizing. Action speaks greater than words.

A sudden hit to my gut spun my world; falling to my knee's I was suddenly kicked in the face, blood drew forcing me to cough wildly again. A sudden pull of my hair got me to look at the man's face, he had an eye patch with dark hair attached to some bells.

He had a manic grin displayed on his face before he lifted me up high above the ground; we were now in an alleyway.

"Kurosaki Ichigo... I've been looking for you for some time." he said with a sharp cackle. "Sora wanted me to deal with you..." he said before slamming my head into the concrete. My vision blurred and yet I still fought back in my fatigue state; lifting up from the moist ground, I slammed my fist into his face knocking him back.

The man took the hit and cackled before striking back at me in the gut, blood almost instantly gushed out of my mouth and I fell backwards gasping for air. Punching again, I rolled before kicking his face; he got my ankle and through me as if I was nothing.

Slamming me into the brick wall, I felt nausea as he hit me over and over and over again making me shout and scream with each hit; I really thought that this was the way I was going to die, curling up into a ball he continued to beat me until I finally stopped screaming.

I was slightly whimpering now and he grunted.

"That's it... how weak..." he said as he than began to pull off my clothes.

I couldn't move my body, I really felt like every bone had been shattered. Trembling uncontrollably beneath the cool air, I slowly felt like panicking.

"Oh well, gotta finish the job ya know!" he said as he suddenly thrust in my body.

I screamed as thunder struck; rape, rape this man was raping me! I struggled and squirmed to get away from his abnormally large shaft. He cackled as he thrusted in again making me squeal as I tried to get away.

Holding me by my waist I couldn't pull free, my walls tightened and he moaned; I didn't want him and the more nervous I got the tighter I became. I hissed as his nails dug inside my skin. He seemed to be enjoying my voice far too much, for with each sound I made I could feel his erection thickening.

Shoving his dick harder up my ass, I finally screamed as he hit my prostate and caused my own erection to build up heat. His large shaft rocked deeper and deeper into my body causing me to squeal and whimper as he kept hitting that spot straight on.

I cried out as every nerve in my body was going crazy with each thrust, I was feeling very hard and it provoked me to jack off; despite this, I was still squirming as I refused to respond towards my rapist. My body belonged to Grimmjow and nobody else; tears fell down my face, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop, stop!" I cried. "Please somebody, help me!" I cried out, but no one came.

I saw people walk by, but not one of them called the cops or helped me.

* * *

Lying outside Grimmjows apartment, kneeling with my thighs towards the outside I wait as a pool of blood drips down my anus. I'm wearing only Grimmjow's jacket, I lost everything else. I'm wheezing now, I can hardly breath; Bruises and broken skin cover my blue body and I'm about ready to just pass out.

Closing my eyes, I waited and waited until I decided to try to warm my hands up; putting one in each pocket, I found something and pulled it out. It was a cellphone. My eyes widened and than watered; I could try to call my dad, but than again he probably moved on. I could call the cops, but Sora works with them.

Tears dropped down my face as I slowly searched through his contacts, surprisingly the only contact it had was Grimmjows. Turning my head, I finally let out a small whimper as I called him.

"Hey Gingy..." he said almost instantly.

I tried to speak, but I couldn't say a word as I slightly whimpered at his loving tone.

"Gingy, what's up?" he asked sounding a bit concerned.

"I-I can't move..." I whispered sounding so bad that I couldn't even tell that it was my own voice.

"What, where da hell are you!" he demanded.

"I'm outside..." I whispered slightly sobbing a bit as I saw his apartment door swing open.

He was on the forth floor staring at me as in shock; he was pretty quick as he ran towards the second floor and then jumped the rail to come over to me.

"What the fuck happened to you?" he asked me.

I look at him with watery eyes for a long time before I began to wail out in pain; he quickly took me into his arms as I bawled like a little child. Never have I ever felt so pathetic before, I hated my life and I wished that I had never lost my virginity.

"It's ok... I'm here... everything is going to be alright." he said to me and again I believed him.

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I begged as I push him back from me.

He smells intoxicated and his eyes are red; it's been only a week and yet he has spent almost everyday drinking and yelling at me. It's probably because he figured out that I had pneumonia, the same damned disease which killed his mother.

"Your a fuck'n bitch that what's wrong!" he screams as he gets into my face.

"Back off!" I yell.

"No, you back off slut! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be drinking my ass off everyday of my damned life!" he yelled banging me against the wall.

"Your a drunk ass shit-hole, put me down!" I yell fighting back.

Grimmjow slams me over and over against the wall giving me a headache; every now and then we fight, I don't really care. It's better than getting raped off the streets, I think I lost at least nine pounds; I lost a lot of my body, but I still looked fine.

He begins to tear my clothes off revealing my pallid skin, it seemed to loose it's color after a while of not taking care; I yell as he takes me down and starts to pound in me like a wild animal. I'm in no mood for sex, however he too strong too push off.

"Stop it, Grimmjow please stop!" I scream, but it's no use when he's drunk.

The next day when he wakes up with a hangover, he finds me crying in the showers; he apologizes for his poor behavior and yet again I believe him. I don't dare tell him that he raped me, I couldn't tell him that...

* * *

My eyes now have dark bags under them as I stare at the wall, I'm wearing a ripped grey t-shirt and some lacy booty shorts; Hugging my pillow I'm curled up on the king size bed. Ugly purple and blue bruises are all over my legs, arms and face; there's screaming coming from the kitchen.

"The fuck, we're are my fuck'n bottles!" he screams as I just lay there.

It's been about a month now since I've been living with Grimmjow, we argued the night before and I told him that I was tired of his heavy drinking. I was so mad that I accidentally brought up the fact that he raped me; I wanted him to stop, but it only made it worse.

"Gingy, where are my fuck'n bottles!" he yelled.

I ignored him; in fact I did hide the bottles and I wasn't planning on giving them to him. The door swung open and he swiftly took me by my ankle and dragged me off the bed. I yelped as I hit the floor, grabbing me by my hair; I fought to get off. I was tired of his attitude.

"Back off!" I screamed as he began to take me away.

He dragged me to the bathroom and literally tried drowning me, we both fought as he tried to kill me and I tried to survive. In the end, I woke up to him sobbing; his wrists were slit and the house was a mess. I called the hospital and never again did I ever hide his drinks again.

* * *

We had our bad day's, our worse day's, our hellish day's and then we got our good day's when he was sober; I was smoking on the window sill. It's been about three months since I've been here. I don't go out, I'm afraid of the outdoors.

My eyelid's were red with a dark shade, I looked really sick and smoking made it worse. I didn't care, I'll stop smoking if he stops drinking. Popping my new meds into my mouth a small smile forms on the corner of my lip, Karin and Yuzu are walking home from school; they don't see me, but I see them...

They look so grown up, they should be fourteen soon. Pressing my hand on the window, there was a sudden knock on the door; I'm in my pajamas, but I don't care. Pulling my hair back into a small ponytail, I walk towards the door. I'm wearing a long sleeved black tight shirt with white short shorts.

Opening the door, my eyes slightly widen as there was some albino standing there; he looked smoking hot with his long white hair, strange black and gold eyes and was about my height. He looked a bit surprise himself before he just grinned as he looked up and down.

"So, you must be the little tramp." he said.

"Who da fuck are you?" I snapped blowing some smoke into his face.

"Shirosaki... Grimmjows real boyfriend." he said causing my eyes to widen.

I couldn't speak, I could hardly breath after what he had said. The albino quickly pushed the door open and knocked me down on the floor, I moaned but I still couldn't register what had happened.

"Grimmjow, show your piss as face!" he yelled as he entered the room uninvited.

Grimmjow wasn't here and so he dropped his bag before turning to me with a manic grin.

"Surprised?" the albino asked before walking in a sophisticated manner. "You should be, I'm no idiot. Your the same piece of shit you always were, fuck'n player." he said in a soothing voice.

"Love me, cheat on me and than dump me... and now I caught you for the third time, just this time you got a cutie." he said so casually before he look at me.

Bending down, he cupped my bruised face.

"If I were you precious, I'd run for my life... you think Orihime was bad, I'm sure you haven't even heard of the others who had killed themselves." he said making my blood go cold.

"Ichigo!" Grimmjow called out from behind.

The albino paused and then smiled before getting off of me and walking on past Grimmjow; he didn't even flinch to look at him. Tears slowly trailed down my face as I tried to get my stuff to leave.

"Gingy, please!" he said as he tried to stop me.

"No, no, leave me alone!" I screamed as I began to panic.

"Giny stop!" Grimmjow said finally throwing my stuff and hugging me. "It's alright, everything is going to be alright. You know I love you." he repeated much more gentle than before.

Tears fell down my face, as I held onto him tightly; I'm breaking and I know it, but there was no way I could live without him and yet again I believe him.

* * *

Today was valentines day, this was my first time out of the house; I'm going to surprise him at his job and then we're both going to go out and celebrate. It's been two weeks since the albino's visit and I'm so glad that he was probably an angry Ex whom wanted revenge.

Walking with the cake I made in hand, I walk in all black so that no one can see my scars; I'm smiling for once and I'm feeling strangely confident as I catch a glimpse of Grimmjows car. Popping my meds again, I slowly fix myself up before walking again.

Picking up my pace, I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks as I saw two figures in it. I almost instantly dropped the cake; Grimmjow had his head back moaning in pleasure and the albino was stroking his shaft with talented hands as he licked the crown and slightly sucked on it as if it was a Popsicle.

His gold eyes looked at me and he grinned wickedly as he waved his cum filled hand; tears almost instantly fell from my eyes as I backed off and ran. He lied to me, He lied to me, He lied to me!

Running I didn't look back; even as I ran past a familiar face, I didn't one look back.

Grimmjow came back about an hour late with some flowers, I ignored them as he took me out to a fancy restaurant. I had almost finished the whole packet, when as he continued to talk about his promotion. Not once did I say anything of what I saw, instead I took a few more pills.

Taking my hand he suddenly kissed it before going on his knees.

"I also got you something..." he said as he pulled off a pretty black box. "Happy valentines day." he said showing the most beautiful silver ring I have ever seen; however somehow it made me sick.

"Will you marry me?" he asked me.

Snorting, I let out a chuckle and then a manic laughfter.

"You go... and-and cheat on me..." I say in between tears of pain and insane laughfter. "And-and then you want to marry me?"

He stared at me in shock for a brief moment, he seemed dumbstruck and I kept going.

"Fuck you, fuck your damn ring, Fuck your ex. You can keep them all!" I screamed causing a few people to look at us. "You ruined my god-damned life and now you want to ruin me some more? Fuck you!" I screamed as I threw my ring at him.

Getting up, I'm feeling really sick; I leave and he doesn't follow me.

* * *

It's three in the morning and I'm wearing the same damned pajama's and I'm still smoking and popping my meds; we haven't talked for weeks and yet Grimmjow hasn't changed much. I now sleep on the couch, he's asleep with his Ex in my bed.

I'm not breathing well, haven't been for the last week; I bet you he only recently started doing this in order to get me jealous. I'm staring at the phone, I can't stand this anymore; I want to kill them both.

Dialing on the phone, I wait as tears fall from my eyes; the phone rings and I pop a few pills in my mouth. The pain isn't going away and no one is picking up the phone. I pop a few more pills in my mouth, I don't really recall how many I took.

"Hello..." answered the other line.

I stiffen my breath even though I know I'm sobbing.

"Who is this?" the man asked sounding a bit concerned.

"... Dad...?" I asked not sounding at all like myself.

The phone went silent for a brief moment as more tears fell from my face.

"Ichigo..?" he finally answered causing me to whimper. "Ichigo what's wrong my son?" he asked taking a much softer tone than what I expected.

I'm whimpering and wheezing as my throat tightens, I pop more pills into my mouth so that I could get rid of the pain.

"I-I... can't breath..." I responded trying to talk louder without stuttering, I sounds horrible as I'm taking quick breaths in between words. "I don't.. know what t-to do..."

For a while my father stayed quiet, I'm afraid of what he would say; he didn't like gay's and he threw me out with ever so much of a word. My chest is now rattling as I try to stiffen my pathetic sobs. I didn't want to ruin my fathers peace, however at the same time I didn't feel like this was the real world.

Reaching my meds, I stopped as it was empty; I thought that I had refilled it just the other day? I'm feeling unusually hot now, I'm sweating so I open the window as I gaze out into the cool night. My chest is in pain, and I'm feeling rather nauseous as my vision becomes quite disoriented.

"Where are you?" my father asked.

I wasn't sure if he say'd something before that, but he sure sounded strangely worried.

"I don't know... Grimmjows..." I responded sounding very sluggish.

Everything in the room was spinning causing me to feel even more sick, I drop the phone as I tried to walk to the bathroom; It's so hot and I can't breath, I fall forward and stop my self by leaning onto the wall.

Tears trickle down my face and I stubbornly wipe them away; I know how Orihime feels, I know why she took her own life. Shiro was right, but he is stronger than the both of us. Opening the door, I quickly bend over and disgorge all of the contents in my stomach; I felt repugnant as I continued to spew out everything.

"How pathetic..." said a watery tone from behind me. "You really can't handle reality can you?"

I don't answer him as I hold onto the realm for comfort; the teen almost instantly walks behinds me and hugs me, he is freezing in comparison to me.

"Hush now, soon... very soon you won't have anything to worry about." He said causing me to finally look at him.

My eyes widened as blood dripped down my lips, he wore the exact clothes I had on and he had the same trail of blood on his face as well. I shook my head as my tears dropped like gems causing the wicked teen to cackle like a mad man.

"No..." I whispered as he laughed. "Leave me alone!" I shriek painfully.

I start to scream; I'm losing my mind, he took everything from me and now he took my sanity. Screaming like a mental person, Grimmjow suddenly turned on the lights. Shirosaki was suddenly no where to be seen.

I stare eyes widened as Grimmjow quickly goes to my side.

"Gingy, what wrong? what happened?" he asked as I'm pointing.

"Shiro... wouldn't leave-me-alone..." I said slightly stuttering with quick breaths as I'm now sobbing again.

"Who?" he asked me.

"Don't play dumb, the bitch you were sleeping with!" I yell.

He stares at me for a brief moment.

"Ichigo... the only one I have been sleeping with ever since Orihime has been you..." he responded.

"Oh really, so those clothes you bought were just to be nice to Shiro huh?" I asked sarcastically.

"What are you talking about, I gave them to you and you laughed. Now who is this Shiro?" he asked me curiously.

More tears run down my face, I know I'm not mad; I saw him, I saw them. Shaking my head, I slowly start to think as Grimmjow is talking to me. I can't hear a word he says, but suddenly it hit me.

When Shiro first showed up at the door: Grimmjow didn't see him, when we talked he never once even mentions a Shiro; it hit me all at once, he gave me those clothing... Shiro was never giving him a blowjob it was me, he never had sex with Shiro because Shiro was me...

My mouth drops and I can't breath, Grimmjow is panicking as he's holding me in his arms; I'm trying to talk, but not a word comes out. I can't breath, I'm making husky sucking sounds in attempt to suck up some air.

My vision is fading and my dad walks in; I'm so glad he came... I'm feeling rather cold now and I see my two favorite boy's above me, tears run down my face as I'm suffocating I hold my dad's hand as I lay in Grimmjow's arms.

I can't breath, I can't speak; I want to apologize, I really want to get married and I want to live with Grimmjow... I don't want to die, not now... My vision finally darkens and I could hear a strangled voice mutter the words I love the most... I Love You...


End file.
